


Just This Once

by gmariam



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Episode: Big Finish Audio Drama 2.5: Broken, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 10:44:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10592379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gmariam/pseuds/gmariam
Summary: Ianto Jones just kissed his boss after trying to kill him first. A series of drabbles exploring what happens next after Jack and Ianto leave the pub in the Big Finish audio story 'Broken.'





	1. Chapter 1

I.

Ianto stared out the window as Jack started driving once more. His mind was running a million miles an hour. What had he done? Had he really propositioned the man he had tried to kill earlier that night? An hour ago, he'd hated Jack for all he had done—to him, to Lisa, to Tosh. He'd pushed him through the Rift and sent him into slavery on an alien planet.

Now he was riding home with Jack, after kissing him and suggesting more. Jack had seemed reluctant, but for some reason Ianto had pushed. Just this once, they'd agreed. One night only, then, but one night of what?

Yes, he was attracted to Jack. Yes, he also hated Jack. Yes, he admired Jack and worked hard to impress him. Yes, he also recognized the other man's deep character flaws. So why had he kissed his boss? Why had he suggested more? It didn't make sense, and Ianto was starting to have doubts.

It was a short ride to his flat, and as Jack parked the car, Ianto tried to figure out what he was doing. He was about to sleep with his boss, but why? Because he wanted Jack? Because he wanted sex? Or was it simply because he was lonely and wanted something, _anything,_ to fill the void within him?

In which case, was potentially destroying their working relationship worth it? Couldn't he ease his loneliness and his libido with someone else? Jack was a flirt who constantly talked about his sexual conquests and didn't seem the type to commit…only Ianto didn't want commitment, he simply wanted company. And there was little doubt Jack would be good company when it came to shagging…but what about the next day? And the day after that? What about the rest of the team? What about Lisa?

"Change your mind?" Jack asked quietly. He'd parked the car and was watching Ianto with an understanding look on his face. "Because it's okay if you have."

Ianto stared at him, trying to imagine what it would be like. It would be amazing, he had no doubt. Jack was wildly attractive and right there, willing, and yet Ianto found himself nodding in reply. He couldn't do it. He couldn't betray Lisa, sleep with his boss as nothing more than a coping mechanism, and face the consequences in the morning.

"Yeah," he said softly. "It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now…" He trailed off and looked away. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

Jack reached over and touched his knee, leaning forward earnestly. "It's all right," he said. "I understand. You surprised me back there, so it's probably good that you've thought things through."

"You're not…offended?" Ianto asked. "Because it's nothing personal, but after everything that happened tonight…and we do work together…" He was rambling, making excuses, and stopped. Jack shrugged and sat back.

"Offended? No. Disappointed? Maybe." He winked and continued quickly, barely giving Ianto time to wonder if he was serious. "You're right, though. A lot happened tonight, and working together always complicates things. But if we didn't…"

"If we didn't." Ianto thought about what it would be like to meet a man like Jack at the pub. To start a friendship not based on work, or blood and betrayal. To kiss him, to sleep with him, to wake up the next morning with no uncomfortable apologies or excuses. It sounded nice, to be honest. Bloody Torchwood.

"Right," Ianto said, shaking himself from a daze. "I should go." He opened his door and stepped out, but turned back to Jack before he left. "I'm sorry," he said. "For what happened earlier. I don't…I don't know what to say, why I did it…but I'm sorry."

Jack glanced away before meeting Ianto's eyes, his face serious. "I know," he replied. "I'm sorry too, for letting things get to the point where you felt so resigned and angry. For not seeing it. Thank you for coming back for me."

Ianto nodded in reply. He almost changed his mind, desperately wanting to lean forward and kiss Jack again, invite him upstairs, and lose himself in physical release and comfort. But he couldn't. There was too much between them getting in the way, and Jack seemed glad that Ianto had changed his mind. He didn't want to pressure Jack, or worse, be completely rejected. With a sigh, he stepped back.

"Good night, sir," he said, retreating into his Torchwood persona. It always made things easier, keeping his personal life separate from his professional. Sleeping with his boss would have certainly blurred the lines beyond repair. He was glad he'd come to his senses.

Yet as he watched the SUV pull away, he wasn't glad, not really. He was still lonely, still broken, and he'd given up his only chance to fill the empty spaces within him and try to put his life back together again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I saw a gif set of the scene where Jack sends Mary into the sun. It occurred to me how unnecessarily cruel this was of him, which made me think of the effect it had on Ianto. This was the breaking point for him, I think. In the Big Finish audio story Broken Ianto has finally had enough of Jack and sends him into slavery through the Rift, with the full realization that he is doing exactly what he said: he has a chance to save Jack, but he watches him suffer and die.
> 
> Yet not only does he go back for Jack and save him, but he kisses him and propositions him for more. And every time I think about this, I wonder not only how that change occurred, but what actually happened between them. Did they shag? Did they call it off? Was it dreadfully awkward? Brilliant? Did Jack stay all night? What happened in the morning? At work? What about the control panel at the pub? What about the rest of the team back at the Hub? Did Ianto apologize, explain, tell Jack about his mum? Why does Jack seem reluctant? There are so many questions, I know I'm leaving some out, and I can't even attempt to answer them all. But I have short twelve scenes planned, each a variation on 'What happened next' – some starting in the car, some later, some going into the next morning. Some might make sense, some might seem out of character. Some will answer these questions, some won't. Some you might like, some you might not. The final one will be much longer. I do hope you enjoy them. Thank you for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

II.

Jack put the SUV back into drive and continued towards Ianto's flat. It wasn't far, so the ride was short, and yet Jack couldn't stand the quiet. He talked the entire time, barely aware of what he was saying, but words kept coming out of his mouth. Which was when it hit him: he was nervous.

He, Jack Harkness, who had slept with hundreds of men, women, and aliens over his long life, was nervous about sleeping with Ianto Jones. As he put the car into park and an uncomfortable silence descended, he tried to figure out why he was suddenly having so many doubts.

It wasn't because Ianto had tried to kill him. No, he'd been serious when he told Ianto it wasn't the first time. He wasn't angry at Ianto about being tossed through the Rift. Surprised, perhaps, that Ianto had been harboring such violent feelings toward him, hidden away beneath his calm exterior. Jack had been trying hard to reach out to the Welshman, to make sure he was all right after what had happened with his girlfriend. It hadn't been easy—he wasn't particularly good at it, and Ianto had remained extremely closed off—but Jack had tried.

It wasn't because he and Ianto worked together, not really. It was part of it, yes, but Jack would be a hypocrite if he claimed to never become involved with coworkers. He'd spent five years locked in a rather intimate time loop with one, and had a child with another, not to mention numerous relationships in between. Jack was perfectly able to separate work and pleasure…but in this case, as Ianto's boss, he felt more responsible than he usually did. He didn't want to take advantage of an employee, a good one at that, and a man that he considered a friend. Ianto was already reeling from emotional trauma; he didn't deserve more, even if he seemed to be seeking it out.

Did Jack still feel guilty about what had happened with Lisa Hallett? Absolutely, but guilt had rarely stopped him in the past. Was he no longer attracted to Ianto after suffering the Welshman's wrath and being sentenced to slavery? No, he was definitely still attracted, if not more. He'd found the Welshman desirable since the moment he'd hired him, and seeing Ianto's strong, assertive side only made Jack more interested in seeing what other passions lurked beneath the man's well-cut suits.

It didn't make sense. He liked Ianto, he was attracted to him, and he didn't have a problem with the other man trying to kill him. They'd cleaned up the mess at the Ferret and sent Tosh and Gwen home from the Hub. Of course he should be falling into bed with Ianto Jones. And yet, he didn't think he could.

"Jack?" Ianto asked, watching him warily. "Are you all right?"

Jack nodded slowly. As he turned toward Ianto, realization dawned in the other man's eyes.

"You've changed your mind, haven't you?" Ianto said quietly. "About coming up?"

Jack nodded again. Ianto sighed—whether in frustration, disappointment, or relief, Jack wasn't sure.

"It's fine. It was a spur-of-the-moment suggestion." Ianto opened the door to leave, but Jack laid a hand on his arm.

"I'm sorry, it's not that I don't want to," Ianto raised a skeptical eyebrow, "but after everything that's happened…and we work together. I don't do working relationships, it's too complicated."

"I already said I don't want a relationship," Ianto pointed out. "I don't know that I want to go through that ever again. We're two people, broken and alone, looking for comfort."

"I don't want to hurt you," Jack said, shaking his head. "And trust me, I'm good at that."

Ianto snorted. "What, you think I'm going to fall apart when we go back to being employee and boss in the morning? Because I'm not that kind of person, you know. I understand the need for physical release."

Jack stared at him. "I'm sorry," he said again. "But I can't."

"I understand," Ianto replied, looking down at his hands. "I did try to kill you tonight."

"It's not even that," Jack said, shaking his head with a short, bitter laugh. "Been there, done that."

"Right." Ianto took a deep breath. "Well, I didn't run, and I'm not going to, not any more. What are the consequences?"

Jack let his head fall back against the seat. "Ianto, you might have let that thing take me, but you also came back and stopped it. You saved a lot of lives tonight—mine, yours, probably Mandy, and anyone else looking for a quick and easy way out. As far as I'm concerned, I need you back at the Hub first thing tomorrow to write it up and help me with that control panel."

Ianto looked shocked, and glanced away, his eyes bright with emotion. "Yes, sir," he sair, his voice cracking. "I'll see you in the morning, then."

"See you in the morning," Jack echoed as Ianto opened the door and started to step out. But he turned back to Jack, looking at Jack's lips as he cleared his throat and raised his eyes to Jack's.

"I'm sorry," Ianto murmured. Jack felt something with him give way, a warm feeling blossoming in his gut as his gazed at the man before him. An almost electric tension crackled between them until they both surged forward and their lips met, messy and hungry. The first time, Jack had been surprised, even shocked. And it had likely been so impulsive on Ianto's part as well that neither one of them had known what they were doing. This time Ianto was clearly intent on making an impact, and Jack felt sparks shoot all the way down to his toes as he opened his mouth to Ianto's tongue. The Welshman brought his hands up to the back of Jack's neck as he deepened the kiss, and Jack moaned with pleasure. Ianto Jones was a damn good kisser.

"Change your mind again?" Ianto whispered, running his tongue along Jack's lower lip and sending shivers down Jack's back. He tried to think of all the reasons he should leave, but none of them seemed as convincing now. He'd wanted Ianto for a long time and now was his chance. Ianto wanted him, that much was clear. Why would Jack give this up for vague misgivings?

"God yes," Jack whispered back, pulling Ianto closer and letting his hands roam. When Ianto groaned under his touch, Jack grinned against his mouth. Ianto opened his eyes and pulled back with a small smile.

"We should continue this upstairs then," he said.

"Absolutely," Jack replied. He followed Ianto upstairs, barely able to keep his hands to himself. As soon as they stepped into the flat, Jack reached for Ianto and pulled him close. He was relieved to find the Welshman as hard as he was, and they stumbled over to the sofa pulling off coats and jackets, shirts and shoes.

It was over far too soon, but Jack felt a deep sense of relief and release. Though it hadn't been everything he'd fantasized about with Ianto, it had been exactly what they needed at that moment. They could always try again, that night or the next…then he remembered their agreement. Just this once.

Reluctantly sitting up straight, he pulled his pants and trousers from around his ankles, Ianto watching him curiously.

"Are you leaving then?" he asked, and Jack nodded.

"Just this once," he reminded the other man. "Work in the morning."

Ianto stood up, also pulling his pants and trousers back on, though he did not buckle his belt. He held out a hand to Jack. "The night's not over," he said quietly. Throwing a look over his shoulder toward what was obviously the bedroom, he raised an eyebrow in invitation. Jack stood and faced him.

"You're sure?" he asked, and Ianto nodded.

"Are you?"

Jack answered him with a fiery kiss, and they stumbled toward the bedroom locked at the lips. He vaguely wondered what would happen next— later that night, in the morning, or at work. Would it be awkward and ruin their friendship, or their working relationship? As Ianto's hands roamed across his lower body and cupped his arse, Jack decided that whatever happened, it was worth it for that one night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my original version of this one, Ianto was much more forward. Which I like, given we see it both when he kisses Jack in the SUV and later in the series when he propositions Jack with the stopwatch. But if Jack changed his mind, I'm not sure how confident Ianto would feel at this moment about pushing it. At least in this context. There are still more to come!


	3. Chapter 3

III.

Ianto was looking forward to a night of…well, whatever happened and hopefully quite a bit of it…with Jack. And yet he wondered if it was a good idea. It had been a difficult day after all, from the terrible incident with Tosh and her girlfriend, to the even worse debacle at the Ferret with Mandy and the Savior, to his mother's frightening health news. Maybe sex with his boss wasn't the answer, especially considering he'd thrown Jack through an interstellar rift only minutes earlier.

"Hang on," Ianto said out loud as he realized something. He turned toward Jack. "Are you all right?"

Jack glanced sideways and grinned. "I'm about to enjoy a night of hedonism and debauchery, why wouldn't I be all right?"

Ianto frowned. "First of all, I said nothing about hedonism and debauchery," he pointed out, wondering again what he'd got himself into, though he was definitely intrigued. "And second of all, I had to give you CPR earlier. You went through the Rift and stopped breathing."

"And your point is?" asked Jack in that infuriating way he had of making something very serious the least important of his concerns.

"Do you need to see a doctor to make sure you're not injured?" Ianto asked dryly. He was definitely wondering why he'd kissed Jack and invited him home; it could be amazing, but it would probably be exasperating as well.

"I'm fine," Jack replied with a shrug, pulling up to Ianto's building. "I can handle it if you can." He wagged his eyebrows; Ianto rolled his eyes. This might be over quicker than he thought.

"Jack, I'm serious. You seem all right, but maybe you should have someone look you over?" As soon as the words left his mouth, Ianto regretted them. "And not me," he added. "A real doctor."

He thought for sure that Jack would offer another innuendo filled retort, but instead, he sighed. "Look, are you changing your mind? Because I understand if you are, but I'd rather you just say so."

Ianto narrowed his eyes and leaned toward Jack. "Maybe I want to make sure you don't fall asleep on me," he replied, adding a seductive lilt to his voice. "Or pass out when we…" He leaned even closer and whispered something exceptionally dirty in Jack's ear. It was wildly out of character for him, and he wasn't quite sure he was even ready for such a thing, though having said it, he found himself thinking it might be rather nice.

Jack's eyes widened. "Ianto Jones, you surprise me," he murmured, also moving closer. "I hope you're not just teasing."

"Are you okay?" Ianto enunciated slowly, lips hovering above Jack's but not quite touching. He was flagrantly using Jack's interest to bully an honest answer from him, but considering what had happened that night, Ianto didn't want to sleep with Jack only to see him hurt even more.

Jack smiled, his eyes softening. "Yeah, I'm fine, really. I'm tired and sore from the CPR, but I've also been with Torchwood for a while, and nothing that happened tonight hasn't happened before. I always recover," he added, sounding somewhat bitter.

"You've been through the Rift before?" Ianto asked, hiding his surprise and letting his lips tease at Jack's.

"Not exactly," Jack replied, his tongue slipping out to slide along Ianto's lower lip. "But I have been sold into slavery, beaten, and revived."

Ianto filed that piece of information away for later, determined to suss out whether Jack was serious or telling tales again. He sucked on Jack's lower lip, earning a soft moan from the other man. "So you're used to this sort of thing?"

"Not if you mean gorgeous Welshman teasing me outside their flat," Jack replied.

Ianto kissed him full on, much more assertively than he had earlier. "Who says I'm teasing. Coming up?"

Jack winked. "I thought you'd never ask!"

They kissed again and tumbled out of the car, hurrying upstairs to Ianto's flat and stumbling into his bedroom. It was quick and dirty and Jack fell asleep immediately afterward, but Ianto didn't begrudge him the rest. He did, however, intend to wake Jack before morning. It was just this once, after all, and he intended to make the most of their night together.

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is for Avaantares, even though it turned out nothing like she thought! She pointed out that Jack died and needed CPR and how would Ianto react when he realized? I had a little too much fun with the snark and innuendo, though, so I wrote her another one, and that's next! Enjoy!


	4. Chapter 4

IV.

Jack drove quietly to Ianto's flat, though they probably could have walked. It was a clear night, and after the stale air of the pub—not to mention the weak atmosphere of whatever planet he'd landed on after being tossed through the Rift—the cool night air would have felt good. But Jack was tired, bone weary from exhaustion both mental and physical. It wasn't everyday a friend sent him through the Rift and condemned him to slavery. He'd been beaten and tortured to death, and still had to clean up the cellar of the pub.

He hadn't realized how caught up in his thoughts—or how tired he was—until Ianto pointed at his building as they passed it. Jack swore under his breath and drove around to find a parking space. When he finally found one and stopped the car, he turned to find Ianto watching him with concern.

"Are you all right?" Ianto asked. "We don't have to do this, you know."

"No!" Jack exclaimed. "I'm fine, really. Just…you know, tired."

Ianto frowned before his eyes widened and he sat up straighter. "Wait, you stopped breathing earlier. I had to give you CPR. Are you okay?"

"I'm okay," Jack replied. "I don't often end up a part of the slave trade after a long day. Not as kinky as I thought, let me tell you."

Ianto shook his head. "Don't joke around, Jack. They were torturing you. We should probably call Owen and have him look at you."

"Don't be ridiculous," Jack scoffed. "He's probably three sheets to the wind by now." _Or in Gwen's bed_ , he added silently to himself.

"Then the hospital? You were unconscious. You stopped breathing." Ianto ran a flustered hand through his hair. "And it's my fault. I did that to you."

"You didn't do anything," Jack replied with an eye roll. "It was those slavers checking out their latest acquisition." In truth, they'd been punishing him for his smart mouth.

"I gave you to them," Ianto whispered. "It's still my fault."

"Stop it," Jack replied wearily. "You came back for me and I said I forgive you. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you."

"It wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for me," said Ianto, sounding miserable. "I'm sorry. I don't know why you're still here with me."

"Because you asked," Jack replied honestly. "And I was interested. I still am."

"So you don't think we should stop by the hospital or something rather than going home directly and engaging in strenuous physical activity?" Ianto asked dryly, but at least Jack heard humor and not guilt and despair.

"I think that strenuous physical activity is exactly what we both need," Jack pointed out. Ianto smiled to himself and nodded.

"I think it probably is," he agreed. He inclined his head toward his flat. "I'm still interested too. Want to come up for some coffee first?"

"Absolutely," Jack replied. "I will never refuse a cup of your coffee."

"Even if it's not my best work?" Ianto asked as they walked together toward the building. Jack laughed, remembering Ianto's reaction earlier.

"Especially then," Jack replied. "Because I have seen the wrath of the scorned coffee king and hope I never see such a thing again!"

Ianto laughed with him this time as they walked up to his flat. They enjoyed a cup of coffee together as they talked about the events at the pub. It was clear that Ianto was still worried about his health and concerned about initiating anything. Jack wished he could reassure the other man that he was okay, but he couldn't give up his secret, not yet. He could, however, help Ianto relax.

When Jack set down his coffee and tentatively moved closer to reassure the Welshman that he was healthy and unhurt, Ianto looked both grateful and relieved. He reached out to run his hand along Jack's jaw and down his neck, coming to rest on his chest above Jack's heart. When Jack nodded, Ianto leaned forward and kissed him, far more passionately than he had earlier in the car. And Jack returned it with equal enthusiasm.

Though he was tired and sore and still reeling from the events of the day, he knew he had just this once with Ianto. He was determined to make it one night to remember.

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A second try for Avaantares, hopefully more what she was expecting! I find this one more likely than the previous one, although the previous one is more fun to picture. Thanks!


	5. Chapter 5

V.

Ianto shut the door to the SUV and watched Jack drive away. They had agreed—with much stuttering discomfort—that their initial arrangement from not fifteen minutes earlier had been ill-advised. Ianto had apologized for kissing his boss, Jack had assured him it was nothing to worry about as it had been a good kiss, and they had nervously laughed it off as a heat-of-the-moment thing that was definitely over and going nowhere.

Only now that Jack was gone, Ianto wished he'd stuck to it. He felt more tired and alone than ever, and he knew, deep down, that physical comfort was what he needed, what he craved. And yes, he wanted it with Jack. For as much as he sometimes hated his captain, he was equally as fascinated. Jack was gorgeous, except when he was cruel and angry. He was brilliant, when he wasn't blind to what was really going on around him. And he could be caring and compassionate, when he wasn't distant and cold-hearted.

Ianto wasn't looking for anything more than one night with his enigmatic coworker, and now on top of everything else that had gone wrong, he'd lost that chance. He turned away from the street and dragged himself to his flat, stopping halfway there as he considered finding a new local pub to drown his sorrows in. He needed a break from troubled barmaids, however, and decided he had plenty of liquor of his own should he need it. Which he certainly did.

From sympathy with a grieving Tosh, to anger at Jack for arriving at the pub, to the heartbreaking phone call with his mother, Ianto felt like his emotions had been through too much that day, and he needed to turn them off. He kicked away his shoes and threw his suitcoat on a chair as he made straight for the kitchen. His refrigerator was practically empty, but he found crisps and pretzels in a cabinet and threw them in a bowl. Then he poured himself a double whiskey and headed back to the living room, where he intended to crash on the sofa, possibly until morning.

He jumped and almost dropped his glass when someone knocked furiously on his door. Setting everything down, he hurried over, peering through the peephole to see who was interrupting him so late at night. It was Jack, raising his hand to pound on the door once more. Ianto wasn't sure if he was furious or thrilled.

He pulled the door open before Jack had a chance to make any more noise. "Can I help you, sir?" he asked dryly. Jack stared at him before stepping forward and kissing him hard, lips and tongue clashing hungrily with Ianto's own. Though his impulse was to step back and push Jack away, Ianto checked it immediately, kissing him back with equal fervor, drawing a delicious moan from Jack as they practically grappled in the doorway. When it occurred to him that they were in public, Ianto grabbed Jack's coat and pulled him inside, slamming the door shut behind him.

"What the hell was that for?" he gasped. Jack looked both wary and stubborn.

"I didn't change my mind," he said, also breathing heavy. "I left because I thought it was what you wanted."

"It's not what I want," Ianto replied, almost challengingly. "But it seemed the right thing to do."

"We don't always have to do what's right," Jack said, stepping closer. Ianto closed the distance between them.

"I'm tired of doing what's right," Ianto said, pushing Jack's great coat from his shoulders and letting it fall to the floor in a puddle. He ran his hands up and down Jack's braces and pulled him close. "Stay," he murmured against Jack's lips. Jack kissed him fiercely, until they were both breathing hard once more.

"Just this once," he murmured as Ianto worked on the buttons of his shirt.

"One night only," Ianto agreed. "But not in the hallway." He turned and pulled Jack with him toward the bedroom. As soon as they crossed the threshold, they locked lips once more, struggling with more ties and braces, belts and zips until they tumbled to the bed naked.

Ianto marveled at how easy it was to be there, right in that moment, kissing Jack and reveling in the sensation. He didn't feel awkward or uncomfortable, he didn't feel anger or hatred. He felt only a deep connection with another lonely soul, two men broken by the universe seeking comfort in each other's body.

If a part of him longed for a more permanent connection with someone like Jack, he pushed it down and buried it. He would lose himself with Jack just this once, and in the morning, he would go back to his living his life, alive and free, but cold and alone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe a bit cliché, the barging in bit, but I wanted to go there as a possibility. Hope you've enjoyed these so far – let a girl know? Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

VI.

Jack pulled up at Ianto's flat after a short but quiet car ride only to find the Welshman leaning against the window, completely dead to the world. His head was back, his eyes closed, his mouth slightly open. Yet instead of looking peaceful in sleep, he still looked upset, his face pinched as if in pain. Jack sighed, because obviously the Welshman was still extremely troubled.

He wondered what to do. Let the man sleep for a while? Wake him and help him upstairs to his flat? And then what about Ianto's unexpected suggestion? He was clearly too tired for anything of that nature, but perhaps that was a good thing. Jack had been reluctant to accept Ianto's invitation at first, interest aside. Ianto was clearly still hurting from Lisa's death and Jack's part in it, and Jack was smart enough to recognize that sleeping together might only make that fragile recovery worse. It would certainly complicate things at work.

Yet he was definitely interested. How could he not be? Ianto was attractive, he was intelligent, and he had a dry wit that Jack enjoyed when Ianto let it out. He was also damn good at his job, though he'd been struggling lately to fit in and find his role on a team also trying to come to terms with what had happened the night Lisa had died.

Jack had almost immediately forgiven Ianto and accepted him back. Why wouldn't he? Yes, Ianto had betrayed them and brought dangerous technology into the Hub, but Jack couldn't fault him for trying to save his girlfriend. At the heart of it, Ianto had done it all for love, and he had lost everything. Because Jack knew that not only had Ianto Jones lost the woman he'd loved, but he'd lost friends, roommates, coworkers, his job—his entire life back in London—the day Canary Wharf fell. How could Jack condemn a man suffering such loss? He couldn't, not when he'd done worse, and lost so much himself. Ianto deserved a second, and even a third, chance.

He finally decided to wake Ianto and leave off any other possible activities. He was still surprised that Ianto had suggested anything. Yes, he flirted with Ianto, and the Welshman had frequently flirted back, but Ianto had never given hint that he was interested in anything more than some playful banter. And knowing the man's past, Jack had never pushed. He suspected that once Ianto thought it through he'd be mortified about their kiss in the SUV. It wasn't as if he'd thrown himself at Jack, but he had clearly propositioned him at a most unexpected time.

Laying a gentle hand on Ianto's shoulder, Jack called his name quietly, not wanting to startle the other man awake. After a few tries, Ianto opened bleary eyes, then abruptly sat up, glancing around the car.

"I fell asleep, didn't I," he stated. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine, you're obviously knackered. It's been a long day." Jack shrugged and leaned back.

"How long was I out?" Ianto asked.

"Ten minutes at the most," Jack replied. "I thought about letting you sleep, but figured you'd be more comfortable inside."

Ianto glanced at his building and nodded. "Right. Thanks. Um, did you still want to…er…" He trailed off, obviously unsure and embarrassed. Jack felt sorry for his discomfort, and irrationally disappointed even though he knew it wasn't going to happen between them, not that night, and possibly not ever.

"No, I'm fine," he said with what he hoped was a genuine smile. "I'll take a raincheck."

"A raincheck?" Ianto repeated, staring at him. He shook his head, running a hand through his hair and messing it up. "Right. A raincheck. As if we'll ever be in another situation like this again."

"It's Torchwood," Jack pointed out. "We face life and death every day."

"Not in the archives," Ianto returned dryly.

"Then you'll have to join us in the field more," Jack replied cheerfully. This earned him a glorious eye roll. "Do you need help upstairs?"

"No, I'll be fine. You?" asked Ianto.

"I'm always fine," Jack replied with a grin he knew was false this time because Ianto sighed and turned away.

"I'm sorry," he said. "About tonight…about everything."

"I know," Jack replied. "It's all right. We'll get through this."

Ianto turned back toward him with such a look of despair in his eyes Jack almost had to look away. "Sometimes I don't know how," he whispered, his voice breaking. "Because I came so close tonight, Jack, so close..." He stopped and let his chin fall to his chest. Jack reached over and took his hand, squeezing tight. He was slightly surprised when Ianto clung to it, and found their hands fit well together.

"You can do this. Right now, I think you need to get some sleep. Don't worry about coming in tomorrow morning, I told Tosh and the others the same thing."

"And yet we'll all be there because we have nothing better to do."

Jack sighed. "You did, once. And you will again."

Ianto shook his head. "I don't think I'll ever have a life like that again," he admitted. It broke Jack's heart, to think of poor Tosh, so alone she was conned by an alien. And now Ianto, so broken he'd lost hope for any kind of normal life. It wasn't right, what Torchwood did to good people.

Impulsively, he leaned forward and gently kissed Ianto on the lips, quick and light, too fast for the other man to respond with anything more than wide eyes when Jack pulled back. "You can, and you will. You deserve it."

Ianto clearly didn't believe him. He touched his lips and took a deep breath. "Good night, Jack," he said, opening the door and stepping out. "And thank you."

"Good night," said Jack. He watched Ianto walk up to the building, his step slow and his shoulders hunched, before he let himself in and disappeared from view without a look back. Jack restarted the SUV and set out for the Hub, feeling like he'd just lost something he'd never had.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is for Charlotte_Garlic, who suggested Ianto falling asleep in the car! I had the same idea, but the raincheck is all hers. I wonder if he cashes it in before the stopwatch? Halfway done, and some of the drabbles coming up are quite a bit longer. I hope everyone is enjoying them! I am plotting new things in my head as I work, and hope to update some of my other stories as well. Thank you for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

VII.

The short ride to Ianto's flat was quiet, both of them wrapped up in their own thoughts, for good or ill. As they pulled up to the building, Jack's mobile rang. Ianto stopped, one leg out of the car, and couldn't help but listen; it could be Torchwood after all, and he might be heading back to the Hub.

"I'm still looking into those readings in Radyr," Jack said. "Keep monitoring from the Hub, let me know if anything changes." He paused. "Yes, tell Gwen to keep on the research. I'll check in later."

He put his phone away and glanced up to find Ianto watching him. "Duty calls?" Ianto asked.

Jack shook his head. "Nope, just a few bumps in the Rift. Tosh said it's nothing major, and nothing's come through."

"Shouldn't we head back to the Hub in case something does?" Ianto asked.

"She's watching it," Jack replied. "She said it's barely a blip. We'd be sitting around twiddling our thumbs."

Jack turned off the SUV and stepped around the car. Ianto waited for him on the pavement.

"And let me guess—there's much better things we could be doing?"

"Naturally," said Jack. "You did invite me over, after all."

Ianto smiled and nodded. "Best come up, then. Something to drink?"

"I'll always say yes to coffee," Jack suggested, following him upstairs. Ianto let them into his dark flat, leading the way toward the kitchen and trying not to think about Jack's comments regarding his coffee and his suits. Halfway there, Jack's phone rang again. He glanced at it and sighed. "Tosh again."

"I'll start the coffee," Ianto replied. He was beginning to feel like he was still at work.

As he went through the routine, Ianto let his thoughts wander once more. Yet he found they didn't wander far. Yes, he'd propositioned Jack for sex, and yes, Jack was there, but he had a feeling that things might not turn out like he'd thought after another call from the Hub.

"Everything all right?" he asked when he heard Jack behind him. "Or do we need a thermos?"

Jack walked over and leaned against the counter with a sigh. "Tosh said the Weevils are starting to act up. I told her to call Owen so he and Gwen can run them down."

Ianto put away the mugs and reached for a thermos. "Jack, we should be there. We can't leave them on their own while we…" He waved his hand around and trailed off with an embarrassed shrug. "We should go in," he finished lamely.

Jack took the thermos from Ianto and set it down. He placed his hands on Ianto's hips, thumbs massaging circles into tense muscles. "We're working on a case," Jack said.

"The case is over," Ianto pointed out. "All we need to do is clear out the cellar in the morning." And he would track down Mandy to make sure she had taken him seriously and left Cardiff.

"I think we've still got a few things to wrap up here," Jack replied. He grinned—not a blinding smile meant to charm, but a flirtatious one that was more genuine. And because he was there, alone with Jack, Ianto couldn't help but smile back. They moved toward one another and met tentatively at first, the kiss deepening quickly as long pent-up feelings—attraction, desire, the need to release the tension between them—came to the surface.

Jack's hands began to work on loosening Ianto's tie, and he in turn pulled Jack's shirts from his trousers to run his hands along bare flesh, grinning against Jack's lips as he felt the other man shudder beneath his touch and hold back a groan.

And then Jack's mobile started to ring. He ignored it, sucking hard on Ianto's lower lip as he pulled the blue striped tie from Ianto's collar and started undoing his buttons. It rang again and again, until they both groaned in frustration and stepped apart.

Knowing the likely end, Ianto began buttoning his shirt. He left the tie off as Jack answered his phone and began tucking in his shirts.

"All right, I'm coming in," Jack said. "Send Gwen and Owen out after the Rift alert and I'll take the Weevil calls." He paused and glanced up at Ianto. "Yes, he's with me, how did you know? Okay, one, stop spying on me, and two, I'll bring him with me. We'll be there in twenty minutes."

Jack glanced up with a sheepish grin. " _Now_ duty calls," he said.

"I heard," Ianto replied, handing him a thermos. "Busy night."

Jack nodded, still straightening out his clothes. "The Rift is definitely acting up, and now the natives are acting up with it. How would you feel about running down some Weevils?"

"I'd be delighted, sir."

"Right." Jack looked at him curiously. "I'm sorry we were interrupted."

"I am too," Ianto replied. "But that's Torchwood, isn't it?"

"That's Torchwood," Jack murmured with a sigh. "Well, speak of the devil, let's get back to the Hub and gear up. Could be a long night."

Ianto had been looking forward to a different sort of night with Jack, but found that the idea of hunting Weevils with Jack didn't bother him as much as it might otherwise. At least they'd be running off their frustration, taking it out on Cardiff's resident pests. Perhaps there would be a chance afterward to pick up from where they left off, if they were so inclined. Then again, the circumstances at the Ferret were unique, and Ianto wasn't sure if he'd ever have the courage to bring it up again.

And then Suzie came back, and died again, and it was much easier than he thought.


	8. Chapter 8

VIII.

When Jack started the car again, he put it in reverse; fortunately, there was no one behind him, or they might have been dealing with an embarrassing car accident as opposed to enjoying a long, hot shag. With a sheepish grin, he put the SUV in drive and continued toward Ianto's flat. Neither said much, and the silence wasn't uncomfortable. Just very quiet. Jack tried not to think about whether or not they were making a monumental mistake.

They walked up to the door, where Ianto patted his pockets, checked his suit coat, then let his head fall back with a curse.

"Lost my keys," he said. "Of all nights, tonight I lost my keys."

"Spare?" Jack asked. "You know, hidden in a rock or something?"

"Nope," Ianto replied. "Didn't think I'd be here long enough." He glanced away at the admission, shaking his head. "I bet they're on another planet right now. I lost my bloody keys in the Rift."

"Could be worse," Jack replied. He held up his wrist and began working with his vortex manipulator. "You could be standing out here alone, instead of with a gorgeous guy who can do this."

He pressed a button…and nothing happened. Ianto raised an eyebrow; Jack tried again. Still nothing.

"I suppose I could break a window," Ianto offered.

"No, hang on," Jack replied, refusing to give in to embarrassment or despair. "This usually works. What the hell kind of lock is this?"

"The one that came with the flat," Ianto shrugged. "Besides, how does your wrist strap break locks? I thought it worked with digital data."

"It uses sound waves to manipulate the lock into opening," Jack replied, tongue out as he tried yet again. "It's a question of finding the right frequency."

"Seriously?" Ianto asked, sounding extremely skeptical. With a loud click, the lock popped open.

"Seriously," said Jack with a relieved grin. He motioned Ianto inside. "After you."

He followed Ianto into the dark flat, swearing when he immediately walked into something large and tall. There was a crash followed by a hiss, and something shot out the door from between his legs.

"You have a cat?" Jack asked in surprise.

"My neighbor has a cat who likes to sneak into other people's flats." Ianto flicked on a light and sighed when he saw a broken vase on the floor next to the sofa table. "I don't know how he gets in, but I've actually woken up with him on my pillow."

"Creepy," said Jack and Ianto nodded.

"Very."

"I'm sorry about the vase," Jack said, feeling suddenly awkward. "Was it—"

"It's nothing," Ianto replied quickly, gazing around, equally uncomfortable. "Well, this is it. Er, would you like a drink?"

Jack nodded, opened his mouth to reply, and sneezed. Again, and again. Ianto frowned.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Jack replied before another violent sneeze made him a liar.

"Are you allergic to cats?" Ianto asked.

"Never was before," Jack replied.

"It's a British longhair," Ianto replied. "Drags in the dirt and sheds like mad, so that could be it."

Jack shook his head, but he obviously couldn't tell Ianto that of course he wasn't allergic to cats, he'd been around them for decades and not had any problems, and besides allergies didn't even exist in his time. Plus, he tended toward obscenely healthy thanks to his unique situation. He sneezed again and asked for some tissue.

"Antihistamine?" Ianto offered, but Jack shook his head again. He blew his nose a few times and followed Ianto into the kitchen. He began to fix them some coffee, but stopped and frowned; searching through his cabinets, he swore when he found only a package of instant. With a sheepish look, he added a generous shot of whiskey to each. As he turned to hand Jack his mug, he knocked the other off the counter.

"Shit," Ianto breathed out on a long sigh. Nothing was going right; it was as if since the moment they'd kissed, they were cursed. Jack started to wonder if perhaps their tryst was not meant to be.

"Need help?" Jack asked, setting his drink down carefully.

"No, it's fine. I can get it quicker." He began cleaning up the mess, only to cut himself on a shard of ceramic. With another vehement curse, he rinsed his hand before heading to the bathroom to wrap it. Jack finished cleaning up, proving he was perfectly capable, then sat down to wait, wondering what else might go wrong. When Ianto returned, he poured himself a straight shot of whisky.

"Liquid courage?" Jack asked. Ianto took a sip of his drink and began coughing hard enough that Jack stood to thump him on the back. When he'd regained his breath, Ianto shook his head and started laughing, albeit rather weakly.

"This is not going at all like I thought it would," he said. "You're sneezing and I'm bleeding and we're drinking instant coffee in my kitchen."

"Could be kinky," Jack replied with a wag of his eyebrows. "Look, if you—"

He was interrupted by his phone going off. It was Gwen, and she wanted to know what she was doing going through missing persons information in the middle of the night and if she couldn't finish in the morning.

Checking his watch only to find that it had stopped, Jack was surprised to glance at the microwave and see that it was almost midnight. "Go home, Gwen. We've got it sorted."

He paused to listen, shook his head even though she couldn't see him. "No, Ianto and I checked it out. Everything's fine." He rolled his eyes at Ianto, who finished his drink with small smirk. "No, I'm not coming back right now. Go home to your boyfriend. We'll see you in the morning."

He hung up on her right before his phone died. With an exasperated sigh, he finished his coffee and held out his mug for a shot of whisky. Ianto poured one for them both.

"Hell of a night," Jack offered, thinking it was the understatement of the year. Ianto snorted.

"Believe it or not, I've had worse," he replied.

"Really?" Jack asked, surprised. "Because I would have thought this was right up there."

"Do you mean the alien slaver at the pub or the incredibly awkward aftermath?" Ianto asked dryly.

"Both?"

They shared a grin, Ianto poured them another shot, and they sat in silence for a long moment. Jack had stopped sneezing and Ianto wasn't coughing or bleeding; nothing had broken since the mug and no one else called. Perhaps it was time to move things forward, only sitting across from one another at the table made it hard.

Jack was saved from trying to figure out a way to bring it up when Ianto stood to rinse his glass. Jack immediately followed with his own, and when Ianto turned around, he leaned forward and kissed him. Ianto seemed surprised at first, but quickly deepened the kiss. They bumped noses several times as they tried to find the right angle, like teenagers in the back seat of a crowded car.

Jack wrapped one hand around the back of Ianto's head, letting his fingers run through the Welshman's short hair as he nibbled on Ianto's lower lip. He must have bit too hard, because Ianto inhaled sharply and pulled back, his hand going to his mouth and coming away with a spot of blood. He stared at it while Jack swore in his head.

"I'm sorry," he said, stepping back, but Ianto shook his head, pressed him against the wall behind them, and kissed him with uninhibited passion. Jack groaned even as his head hit the wall.

Within moments they were grasping at clothing. Jack reached for Ianto's tie while the other man undid his braces, then his belt, then his zipper. Only the zipper didn't work; Ianto tugged, and tugged again, breaking the kiss to look down at the same moment Jack tried to raise the loose tie over his head. It caught on his nose instead, and Jack dropped it out of instinct, his hands going to his pants. Ianto's hands left Jack's fly to rub his nose, and for a moment they both stared at one another before they burst into laughter. Ianto stepped away, straightening his shirt.

"This isn't working, is it?" he asked, shaking his head with a rueful look.

"Not exactly," Jack replied, reaching down to tug at his zip, but it was stuck fast and going nowhere. Which was when he realized that he wasn't actually that hard, even though he was definitely turned on by the fiery kiss and wanted more. He wondered if Ianto was in a similar state and decided his ego didn't need to know.

"Best not force it then," Ianto said lightly, thought Jack thought he heard disappointment in the other man's voice. He was disappointed himself. Ianto was a hell of a kisser, and after setting aside his initial reluctance in the car, Jack had been looking forward to exploring more with the Welshman. Apparently, the universe felt otherwise. Perhaps it was karma, the complicated history between them refusing to let them move on.

"Who knows what might happen if we did," Jack laughed. Ianto cocked his head.

"Well, I know what I was hoping might happen," he replied in that dry way he had, "but at this rate, I suspect someone might lose a limb instead."

Jack sighed. "Definitely not my kink," he said. They stood there awkwardly for a moment or two until Jack cleared his throat and spoken again. "I should probably get going then."

"You don't have to," Ianto replied, though he sounded like he had no idea what they would do otherwise, and Jack felt likewise.

"It's late," Jack said. "And probably for the best, considering we work together." He didn't believe it for a second, but felt he had to say something to take the sting off their failed night together.

"And have tried to kill each other," Ianto murmured. Jack stepped forward and kissed him, wishing they could continue, but knowing that it wasn't meant to be, not that night.

"Water under the bridge," he said. "I'll see you in the morning, right?"

"I'll be there," Ianto said, stepping back. "Assuming nothing else goes wrong."

"No, I think it's just us," Jack replied with forced levity. "You know, being together."

"That's reassuring," Ianto said. "But disappointing." He held Jack's gaze, and Jack nodded in understanding.

"Me too," he said. "Good night, Ianto."

"Good night, sir."

Jack grabbed his coat and let himself out without incident. He wanted more than anything to turn around and make it work, but it was obvious that nothing was going to happen that night. Finally tugging his zip back up, Jack stepped into the SUV and let his head fall to the steering wheel. Despite his comment about working together, Jack found himself hoping that their bad luck changed someday. Then they could try again, and maybe they'd even get to finish what they started.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a bit similar to the last one, only it's not Torchwood interrupting them, it's everything else going wrong that I could think of (actually, I cut a few things!) The next one is twice as long and quite a bit steamier.


	9. Chapter 9

IX.

_Warning for angst, smut, and language ahead. It's Jack and Ianto, so it was inevitable._

Ianto let his head fall hard against the window as he realized what he had done. He had made good on his promise to stand by and watch Jack suffer, and for a brief moment it had been glorious. And then his mum had called, and with a sense of devastating shock and disbelief he had understood his mistake. So he'd gone back. He'd saved Mandy, saved Jack, stranded the Savior, and destroyed the portal. And then, of all things, when Jack had asked him why, all Ianto could say was, 'Kiss me."

He knocked his head against the window, hating himself. What the hell had he been thinking? 'Kiss me'? It was worse than some pathetic Mills and Boon bodice ripper, and he regretted not only saying it, but then leaning forward to kiss Jack before he could even answer. The look on Jack's face had not been one of lust and desire, but shock and wariness. He'd put off Ianto's offer, claiming work relationships were never a good thing. Knowing from experience that a working relationship was the last thing he ever wanted again, Ianto had very calmly told him he wasn't looking for a relationship. He only wanted sex.

Wasn't that what Jack Harkness was all about, after all? Casual sex without the complications? Jack had reluctantly agreed—just this once. And yet now Ianto wanted nothing more than to take it all back, to flee upstairs to his flat and have a right good tantrum before drinking himself into oblivion. He couldn't do this, not with Jack. He _hated_ Jack. Yes, he'd gone back to save him, but that was because he'd realized what he'd done was wrong. It was beyond wrong, it was despicable. Jack was his boss, sometimes even his friend, and Ianto had knowingly sent him into slavery on an alien planet. What kind of person did that, even to someone they hated, someone who had killed their girlfriend?

Shaking his head, Ianto reminded himself that Jack had not killed Lisa. Jack had killed the Cyber-being who had taken over Lisa. In some ways, he had _saved_ Lisa when Ianto couldn't. Ianto had failed to save the woman he loved, and Jack had. And he hated Jack all over again for that, even while he hated himself even more for failing. Saving Jack or Mandy or his mum didn't make up for it; he was beyond redemption.

He saw his building ahead and motioned at Jack to stop. "You can pull over here and let me out," he said. "I need to go, get out, get away…I'm sorry…" He practically threw himself out of the car, slamming the door behind him and ignoring Jack's calls. Striding single-mindedly to the door, he fumbled for his keys, swearing when he couldn't find them, wondering if he'd left them in SUV, or lost them at the pub. He glanced up and saw that Jack had somehow found a place to park and was striding toward him, looking both angry and concerned.

"What the hell was that about?" Jack demanded, hands on his hips. "Because if you're thinking about running now, you missed your chance."

Ianto stared at him, until he abruptly remembered that his keys were in an inside jacket pocket. Turning without a word, he let himself into the building, panic and anger and fear building within his chest, his heart racing and his chest tight. He wished Jack would leave so he could break down in private, but the man stuck his foot in the door and followed him inside. Ianto felt something within him begin to break again.

"Leave me alone," he snarled, pushing Jack away from him. To his surprise, Jack pushed him back, though more in self-defense than to hurt.

"No," Jack snapped back. "Not after what happened back there…at the pub, in the car. What's going on, Ianto? Talk to me!"

Ianto turned on him once more, knowing it was useless to resist, but he wasn't going to fight Jack in the hall. He stormed up to his flat, ignoring the man behind him, and hurried inside, tossing his keys on a table and his coat on a nearby chair. Striding straight into the kitchen, he grabbed a glass and bottle of vodka and poured himself a double, not bothering to offer Jack anything. He was too rattled—angry, upset, terrified—to speak.

"Not going to share?" Jack asked, his tone somewhere between light teasing and bitter sarcasm. Ianto slid the bottle across the counter to him. Jack glanced around as if looking for a glass, then picked it up and took a sip straight from the bottle. Ianto bit back a snort and let his head fall against the cabinets, his eyes closed.

"What's wrong?" Jack finally asked. Ianto opened his eyes to find Jack watching him, arms folded across his chest as he leaned against Ianto's table. At some point he'd removed his great coat, as if he were staying. As if they were actually going to—

Ianto laughed. "What isn't wrong? My life is a disaster, and it only keeps getting worse. You killed my girlfriend, I try to kill you, and the next thing I know I'm kissing you in the SUV. What kind of sick, twisted person am I, Jack? To do the things I've done these last months? Tonight?"

He finished his drink and poured another. Jack watched him warily, as if keeping an eye out for his well-being. Ianto wished he'd leave so he could finish the bottle. It might not be enough to kill him, but he still had some of those pills from the beating he'd had in the Beacons…maybe if he took enough of those, he'd manage it right this time…

"You're a human being," Jack replied carefully. "A man who's been through too much, who's trying to find his way."

"I'm not wandering in the dark, Jack," Ianto snapped. "I'm lost in hell, and there's no way out."

Jack frowned as Ianto finished half his drink. "Ianto, I know it seems bad right now, but—"

"But what? But it will get better? When? When will it get better, Jack? You keep saying these…these mindless platitudes, but it never happens!"

Jack set his jaw to speak, but Ianto stopped him. "It doesn't get any better than this, it gets worse. Look at my life. I've spent weeks going to that pub, only to find the woman running it wants to sell me into slavery! How does that happen? Why?"

"It's like you said," Jack replied. "The world is broken, just like us. All we can do is try to survive."

"Survive?" Ianto finished his drink and laughed bitterly. "Maybe I don't want to survive anymore then. I used to have a life, before I came here. Now I have nothing."

Jack stepped forward, shaking his head. "Don't talk like that," he said sharply. "You have more than you think. You have your family, and us, the team, and me—"

"You?" Ianto asked incredulously. "Jack, I have no idea why you're even here after what I did tonight. And not only at the pub, but in the SUV. What kind of man tries to kill their boss and sleep with them after?"

"A surprisingly kinky one?" Jack suggested. Ianto rolled his eyes and poured himself another drink. Jack frowned. "Don't you think you've had enough?"

Ianto eyed the bottle. "No, there's still some left."

"Is that what you did when we came back from the Beacons?" Jack asked, crossing his arms over his chest again. "Tried to drink yourself to death at the pub?"

"No," Ianto replied. "I tried it with the pills Owen gave me. Didn't work, obviously. Sorry about that."

"Mandy?"

He nodded and left the kitchen, not wanting to talk about that particular night. Jack followed him and sat on the sofa, arms sprawled across the back. "So what happened?"

"I shouldn't have called her," said Ianto. "Maybe I wouldn't be in this mess if I'd been able to do it right that night. Or tonight." He frowned as his anger and self-loathing found a new direction. "Why did you come back? I told you I was going to handle it."

"By throwing yourself through the Rift?" Jack asked. "It's a good thing I did, or you'd be on the other side of the galaxy right now, sold to the highest bidder."

"At least I wouldn't be here, living this life," Ianto hissed, his eyes slipping closed. "You should have let me die. You should have killed me."

"Killed you when?" Jack asked, his voice suddenly sharp. "Tonight? Or the night your girlfriend killed two people? There was enough death that night."

"Yet you still killed her," Ianto pointed out, feeling surprisingly rational as he stopped pacing. "You told me to go in and execute her, and when I couldn't, you did."

"I had to," Jack said. "She was dangerous."

"I know that," Ianto replied wearily, and Jack's face showed surprise. "But you didn't even try to save her. You didn't listen, you didn't give her a chance, you didn't care." He felt the anger returning and continued walking back and forth. "I tried to save her, and I failed. And I will have to live with that forever. But you didn't even try."

"There was nothing I could do," Jack started, but Ianto cut him off with a savage jerk of his arm.

"I don't care. I went back for you tonight," Ianto said. "I tried to save you, even after you killed her. And you know what? I have no idea why."

Jack stood, his own anger now evident. "Look, I don't expect you to thank me for stopping you from walking through that portal, but you can stop with the rest of this bullshit. Just because you came back for me doesn't make you some sort of saint."

Ianto sneered and turned away. "Of course it doesn't. I'm no saint. I have no idea why I went back, other than I knew it was wrong, and I couldn't live with that. I couldn't leave you there, knowing I'd done that to you and not tried…. and yet you forgave me…again…" He fisted his hands over his eyes. "God, I hate you for that, for all of it."

"Hit me," Jack said, an ugly echo of Ianto's words in the SUV. "You could hit me, if you wanted. I know you've got a hell of a right hook, but I can take it."

Ianto threw his head back and laughed. "I don't need to hit you. I watched you suffer and die, like I promised that night, when Lisa died."

"And yet you came back," Jack murmured. "Because you hated it."

"I loved it," Ianto snapped back.

"So punch me," Jack said. "Look, we need to work this out. You're obviously still holding on to a lot resentment about that night."

"You think?" Ianto asked bitterly.

"Let it out. You hate me, I get it. Torchwood ruined your life, and I'm Torchwood. Go ahead and blame me."

Ianto stared at him. "What?"

"Why not?" Jack asked. Ianto wasn't sure if Jack was genuinely wound up or trying to provoke him into a bigger confrontation. "It's my fault, isn't it? My fault that Lisa died, my fault that we got captured by cannibals, my fault that Tosh got conned by an alien. My fault that you were about to walk into the Rift. It's all my fault."

"You're right." Ianto nodded slowly. "It's your fault. You're the problem. I should have left you there!"

Jack laughed. "You should have. I'm the captain, and you know what? I don't know what the hell I'm doing most of the time! It's always my fault. I ruin lives every week, and I have to live with that. And my own?" He shook his head. "You don't even want to know what my life is really like. Because like I said in the car—we're all broken. We're all wandering through the darkness, lost and alone. You've suffered for a few months, while I—" He cut himself off, breathing heavily. "You're not the only one who wants it to end, Ianto."

Ianto knew his anger was righteous and perhaps even wrong, that he should at least try to give Jack the benefit of the doubt, find that place within him that empathized and understood, but he couldn't. Not then. It wasn't about Jack at that moment, yet as usual the man _made_ it about him.

"You're pathetic," Ianto said, his voice remarkably even. "You stand there and complain about being in charge, about your poor, sorry life, but it's not about you, Jack, not this time. You always think it is. I lost _everything_ in London, and you took the last thing I had of my old life away from me, and there is _nothing_ here for me anymore, no matter what you say."

"Now who's pathetic?" Jack asked. "You think you're the only one who's lost someone, who's suffering, but you're not. So gain a little perspective and get off your fucking high horse because—"

He never finished, because Ianto pulled his arm back and hit him, just like Jack had invited him to minutes earlier. Which was probably why Jack didn't seem all that surprised and moved with the punch, so that it didn't have quite the same effect as when Ianto had hit him the night Lisa had died. But unlike that night, there was no one else there to stop them, and after rubbing his jaw, Jack stood up straight and hit him back.

In spite of all the alcohol he'd had that night, Ianto's reflexes were still working, though not as quick as usual. He swerved to the side, Jack's fist catching him in a glancing blow on his chin, enough to rattle him but not draw blood. They stood for a moment facing one another, breathing heavily as they began to circle like predators fighting for control. Ianto felt his blood rushing in his ears, and sensed Jack was waiting for him to make the next move, so he did.

He rushed at Jack, ramming his shoulder into his chest and slamming him against the wall behind them. His arm came up, elbow pressed against Jack's neck, though not hard enough to choke him yet. Ianto felt his lips curl into a sneer of both anger and pain as he hissed in Jack's face.

"Don't tell me what to think, what to do, what to feel. I'm done with being told how to deal with my life."

Jack grinned wolfishly at him. "Because then you couldn't use sex, or alcohol, or even violence to take away the pain." Ianto felt like he'd been kicked in the gut; he dropped his arm and stepped away.

"Fuck you," he said, shaking his head. "And get out."

Jack stalked him, moving closer, but Ianto stood his ground and met Jack's gaze. He couldn't read what he saw there, but thought there was pain, and desire, and the same sort of emptiness Ianto felt. "If that's what you really want," he said. "But I'm not leaving if you're going to top yourself instead."

Ianto frowned. "What?"

Jack pressed his chest again Ianto's, his face inches from Ianto's lips. He could feel the heat of Jack against him and almost groaned with the unexpected wave of desire that washed over him. What was wrong with him? He'd shouted at Jack, pushed him, punched him, choked him, and now all he could think about was grabbing him and kissing him, ofrunning his hands all over that same body he'd just abused. Maybe that was what Jack wanted too.

"I'm not going to lose you," Jack murmured. "You are worth saving."

"I'm not," Ianto whispered. "Not anymore." He was still staring at Jack's lips when Jack's hand came up to his cheek.

"You are," he insisted.

"You can't save me," Ianto said.

"I can try."

He leaned forward and kissed Ianto, strong and insistent, both searching for and promising more. Ianto gasped once and gave himself over to it—to the attraction they'd danced around from the moment they'd met, to the desire that had simmered beneath the surface since that night. It was hot and messy, but it was connection and comfort. It felt both completely right and utterly wrong, but for once in his life Ianto refused to label it, to pick a side. Kissing Jack was what he wanted, what he _needed_ , for good or ill.

They fell back against the wall, pushing and pulling for dominance as their hands roamed those places they'd longed to go for so long. Buttons were undone and shirts tossed aside; they pressed bare chests together, still kissing hungrily, with no thought of taking it elsewhere, of getting more comfortable. No, this was too immediate, too intense, and neither wanted to waste time with niceties like a bed or other horizontal surface.

Which was fine with Ianto. He began to undo Jack's trousers, slipping his hand into the other man's pants to cup his growing erection. Jack groaned against him, letting his head fall forward a little as Ianto began to stroke him within the confines of his trousers. The sound sent sparks of desire shooting through Ianto, and though he wanted his own pleasure selfishly realized, he also found that experiencing Jack's enjoyment was almost as exhilarating.

Jack hands began to fumble with Ianto's belt, so he stopped and let Jack undo his trousers as well, shuddering with pleasure as Jack's hands found his cock. And then Jack began talking—of course he'd be one to talk during sex—but for once Ianto found he didn't mind. It was filthy and outrageous, yet it was a bigger turn on than anything yet. His hips snapped forward toward Jack, who kissed him hard and rubbed against him. They both groaned before pushing frantically at their trousers, and then their pants.

It was ridiculous, standing in the middle of his flat against the wall, half their clothes tossed around the room and the rest pooled around their ankles. But Ianto didn't care. He glanced down at Jack, feeling his cock jump at the sight. Jack seemed to be enjoying what he saw as well, for his hand moved to his cock and he began stroking himself, the dreamy, blissed out look on his face as he gazed at Ianto almost as amazing as the sight of his cock slipping in and out of his fist. Ianto watched for a moment, then lunged forward, batting Jack's arms away as he kissed him and took them both in hand.

He moved slowly at first, still enjoying the taste and feel of Jack's lips against his own. But too quickly they began to lose their rhythm, hips moving forward almost of their own accord as their need for release grew. Jack's hand reached down and wrapped around Ianto's, so that they were thrusting and stroking together, lips forgotten as they panted against each other's necks.

Jack came first, filling Ianto's hand with warmth as he groaned loud and low. Ianto felt a strong sense of satisfaction, knowing he could do that to a man like Jack, but his thoughts were interrupted by a sharp burst of pain Jack as began sucking a love bite into a sensitive spot behind his ear. He pushed Ianto's sticky hand away and began slowly stroking Ianto to completion, alternating with pulls and twists and nips to the patch of skin on his neck Ianto knew would be sporting a spectacular bruise in the morning.

It hit him without warning: Jack bit down hard, and Ianto swore as he cried out Jack's name and emptied himself into Jack's hand. He was breathing quick and let his head fall back against the wall behind him as he tried to slow his racing heart. Apparently at some point they'd switched places, and Ianto was glad for the support as his legs were shaky and weak. He watched in fascination as Jack brought his hand up to his mouth…and licked his fingers.

Ianto knew then it wasn't over, not by a long shot: he wanted more. Lunging forward, he plundered Jack's mouth with his tongue, desperate to taste their mingled climax. Jack grinned against him and returned the kiss with equal enthusiasm. But they gradually slowed down, taking their time to enjoy something as simple as a kiss, relaxing and discovering what the other enjoyed as opposed to frantically chasing their own gratification.

It wasn't long before Ianto felt Jack's renewed arousal against his thigh. His own erection grew in return, but he didn't want a second quick shag against the wall. He wanted a bed, cool sheets against his bare skin, dim lights masking their passion in shadows, hour after hour, until they collapsed from spent exhaustion.

Placing his hands against Jack's chest, he pulled away with a gentle nip to the man's lower lip. Jack's eyes were closed and he subconsciously leaned forward and followed Ianto, trying to continue the kiss. Ianto smiled to himself and began to step out of his remaining clothing; he wasn't about to ruin such a highly-charged moment by tripping over himself.

Jack's eyes opened slowly, first dazed, then confused, then sad. He stepped away, inhaling deeply as if to settle his own racing heart. "Time's up, then," he said. "Feel better?"

Ianto felt his lip curl into a smirk. "Yes," he replied. "But not enough." He raised an eyebrow, the suggestion obvious.

"Not enough?" Jack asked, a grin beginning to spread across his face. "Normally I'd be offended, but right now I like the sound of that."

"How about somewhere more comfortable," Ianto suggested, nodding behind Jack toward his bedroom. "More conducive to…additional activities." He stepped around Jack and held out his hand, knowing an invitation was the only way Jack would follow.

"You're sure you want this?" Jack asked.

"I'm more sure of this than of anything else that's happened tonight," Ianto replied. Jack nodded and stepped out of his clothing, taking Ianto's hand and following him to the bedroom, where they fell to the bed in a grappling, gasping tangle of greedy fingers and hungry lips, desperate to experience all they could before morning.

Ianto discovered as much about himself as he did about Jack that night, but most importantly, he realized he'd finally crossed that proverbial line between love and hate. He didn't love Jack—he never would—but he didn't hate him either, not anymore. It seemed passionate emotions could be directed toward far more enjoyable outlets, and if there was one thing he regretted about their long and fiery night together, it was that he'd agreed it was only just this once.

Because once wasn't enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this one. I think it might be one of the more likely ones, because I still wonder how Ianto can go from condemning Jack to sleeping with him. And I think there must have been some serious self-reflection about it, if not self-loathing as well. Anyway, three more to go, but they'll be a bit more spread out as I'm still working on them and these all popped out pretty much at once. Thank you for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

X.

As soon as Jack restarted the car, Tosh called, and he turned the car toward the Hub before she'd even finished. In a way, he was glad, because he suspected that he'd agreed to something with Ianto that they'd both probably regret once they thought it through. A Rift alert, while extremely unwanted after having just gone through the Rift himself, was possibly the only way to back out without causing any hurt feelings.

Or maybe Ianto was glad of the call as well. He didn't blink an eye as Jack drove them back to the Hub, didn't mention anything about kissing Jack or the unexpected invitation to continue with more. More what, Jack wasn't sure. Had Ianto ever kissed a man before? Shagged a man? He'd lost his girlfriend only months before; was he ready to move on? Why Jack?

Jack tried not to think about these things as he parked and hurried inside. They found Gwen asleep at her desk on a pile of folders; she didn't even flinch when the alarms went off and Jack bounded into the Hub, Ianto two steps behind him.

"What've you got?" Jack asked, and Tosh sighed.

"I'm sorry, Jack, but I think it's nothing. There were a few blips out in Radyr, and then a few in Gabalfa, but nothing's come through, and nothing's happened since. I think they were more like… bubbles. Harmless."

Jack breathed a sigh of relief. "It's fine, Tosh. Better good news than bad. Do you think there will be any more of your bubbles?"

She glanced at her computer monitors, typed a few things, then shook her head. "I don't think so, but we all know unpredictable the Rift can be."

"That's for sure," Ianto murmured, and she looked at him in surprise.

"Did you find anything in Radyr?" she asked. "That's where the first few bubbles were."

"It's sorted," Jack told her. "We'll fill everyone in tomorrow." He walked over to Gwen and shook her shoulder, gently at first and then slightly harder. She shot up with a shout, and Jack held back a laugh at the lines the folders had left across her face.

"Time to go," he told her. "We're closing shop."

She seemed confused at first, then nodded and yawned. As if remembering something, she abruptly sat up straighter and began pulling out files. "Jack! I noticed something about the missing persons reports you had me look at. There were an unusual number of people who've disappeared around—"

"Radyr?" Jack suggested. Behind him, he heard Ianto huff a little. He turned and grinned at him. "Ianto noticed the same thing."

"Does it have to do with the Rift readings you were looking into?" Tosh asked. Jack nodded.

"Yes, and like I said, it's all sorted. Go home and get some sleep."

"Don't have to tell me twice," Gwen said, yawned again, and practically stumbled out. Jack was surprised she didn't question him more; perhaps she was too tired to push for the truth. Jack couldn't help but wonder if she'd go home to her boyfriend, or out with Owen. He turned toward Tosh.

"You all right?" he asked, and she nodded.

"I'm doing better," she said. "I'm sorry I couldn't help more with the case."

Jack pulled her into an embrace. "Don't be. You didn't miss much."

Behind them, Ianto snorted out loud, then covered it with a cough. "Sorry," he said. "I'll go…start that report, then." He turned to walk away, but Tosh stopped him.

"Walk me out?" she asked, grabbing her jacket and coat. Ianto looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a car, but nodded anyway.

"Don't try to wheedle anything out of him," Jack called after them. "Everyone gets the story tomorrow!"

He heard them laugh as they walked away. It occurred to him that Ianto might leave as well, but he wasn't sure if he should invite the Welshman to stay or allow them both a graceful exit. In truth, he was interested in what Ianto had suggested. He'd been interested since rolling around a cold warehouse floor with Ianto Jones, but after becoming leader of Torchwood Three, he had avoided romantic entanglements with coworkers. Not that Ianto was looking for anything romantic or remotely resembling a relationship, but Jack worried it might affect their working relationship, and he didn't want to do that, nor did he want to ruin their pseudo-friendship.

A part of him wanted Ianto to stay, to see where things might go regardless of his concerns, but his brain kept telling him it was a bad idea. Maybe he'd leave it up to Ianto, then.

"Ianto?" he called. The Welshman turned, and Jack raised an eyebrow, not wanting to ask directly in front of Toshiko. Ianto cocked his head, seemed to be thinking about Jack's unspoken question, and nodded in reply.

"I'll make some coffee as soon as I get back. I want to get a start on that report."

Tosh frowned, said something under her breath, and Ianto smiled at her as they walked out, talking quietly. Jack wondered what she would ask, and what Ianto would tell her, even though he knew most of it wasn't his business. He headed to his office and decided they needed some bourbon more than coffee. Pouring them each a generous measure, he sat down at his desk, put his feet up, and thought about everything that had happened that night.

He'd been surprised to find Ianto at the pub, even more surprised to find that Ianto was one step ahead of him in piecing together the disappearances, the Rift blips, and the Ferret. And he'd been shocked when Ianto had seemed ready and willing to step through the Savior's portal, only to send Jack through instead. He also felt a deep sense of guilt, that he had been unable to help Ianto through his pain and heartbreak. The barmaid's words— _"I saved his life…I know what he tried to do…_ "—stuck with him. Had Ianto tried to harm himself, kill himself?

What had been going through the Welshman's head earlier? He'd been so angry when Jack had showed up at the Ferret, and even though he'd been playing at it, he'd still hit Jack hard when he'd dragged him outside. When Jack had gone back in, it had been like finding a different man, one who was broken beyond repair, ready to give up. And then without warning, all of that anger and hatred had been directed at Jack, and he'd found himself on another planet for the first time in decades.

It wasn't quite how he thought he'd leave Earth. He closed his eyes, trying to block out the sounds and smells of the slaver's world. It wouldn't do to dwell on his brief time in hell, to relive dying on a planet halfway across the galaxy. Ianto had come back for him, had even tried to revive him with some very dubious CPR (favor returned, apparently.) And then Ianto had kissed him.

As usual, nothing about it made much sense.

The alarms went off, and Jack opened his eyes to see Ianto returning. Instead of starting coffee, or coming into Jack's office, he stood for a moment, gazing around the Hub with a look of bleak emptiness in his eyes. Then he crossed to the sofa, sat down, and let his head fall back toward the wall.

Jack watched him for a moment, but when Ianto didn't move, he decided to check on him rather than let the man suffer on his own. He grabbed Ianto's glass and headed into the Hub, joining him on the sofa without a word. The Welshman opened his eyes, bleary with fatigue.

"Should've gone home," he muttered.

"Probably," Jack agreed. "The report can wait until morning." He held out the glass of bourbon. "Here. I don't think either of us needs coffee right now."

Ianto smiled and sat up straighter. "Thank you, sir. I think you're right."

"You don't always have to call me sir, you know," Jack reminded him.

"And sometimes I do," Ianto replied. He took a sip and nodded with appreciation. "It's good."

"It should be," Jack said. "It cost enough."

They were quiet for a moment, the background noises of the Hub filling the empty spaces between them.

"Will you tell them everything?" Ianto asked. "The rest of the team, tomorrow?"

"No," Jack replied immediately. "Absolutely not. Most of what happened tonight is need to know. And they don't need to know about your part, or mine, or even Mandy. Just the basics."

Ianto blew out a long breath. "Thank you," he whispered.

"It wasn't your fault," Jack said. "And…well, it's over. All of it."

"It's over," Ianto repeated dully. "Right." He fell back against the sofa again and finished his drink.

Jack leaned back and joined him, turning his head toward the other man. He couldn't help but admire his profile, and when Ianto turned and met his eyes, he studied the man's face. Ianto looked so young, and yet his eyes were so old. He was clearly exhausted, both physically and emotionally, and yet he was so strong, and attractive, and—

Jack found himself staring at Ianto's lips, then shook himself out of the daze and apologized. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't think the night would end like this."

Ianto's mouth crooked up in a half smile. He set his drink down and turned toward Jack. "I didn't either," he admitted. Jack finished his drink and sat up.

"Well, don't feel like you have to stick around," he told the Welshman. "It's been a long day and the report can wait—"

He was cut off by Ianto's lips, pressed insistently against his own. A burst of heat and excitement and even relief rushed through him as he opened his mouth to Ianto without thought, desperate to feel the other man's lips on his own, tangling their tongues together as they deepened the kiss with small noises of pleasure. Ianto's hands came up and pulled him closer, and Jack let his own hands begin to roam across Ianto's shoulders and back.

They fell onto the sofa, gracelessly rearranging themselves horizontally. Jack was beneath Ianto and glad, because he could push off the other man's coat and pull his shirt from his trousers, running his hands over the bare skin of Ianto's back. The other man shuddered above him, pulling back to meet Jack's eyes for a moment before he leaned down for another fiery kiss.

Jack was suddenly unsure about being so exposed in the Hub. What if one of the others decided to come back in for some reason? He was about to say something when Myfanwy let out a screech from somewhere up above them. Ianto sat upright, eyes wide as he glared up at the pteranodon. His hair was rumpled, his shirt untucked and half unbuttoned, and he looked gorgeous, especially when he started laughing, covering his face in embarrassment. Jack grinned with him as Myfanwy soared close, letting out another squawk. Ianto called out something in Welsh, and she flew back up to her perch.

"What did you say to her?" Jack asked curiously, not aware that their guard dog understood Welsh. Ianto rolled his eyes.

"I told her to give us some privacy," he said. Jack raised an eyebrow.

"Really? And she understood that to mean go back to her nest?"

"I have no idea," Ianto laughed. "But it worked."

Jack smiled in affectionate wonder, pulling the other man down for a long, slow kiss. Ianto was good at it, knowing when to give, when to take, when to suck and lick and nip. In fact, as they continued, Jack found that Ianto was _exceptionally_ good at kissing, as if this weren't their first time and he knew exactly what Jack liked. And Jack hoped, from the sounds Ianto was making, that the other man was enjoying himself as well.

"We could go somewhere else for more privacy," Jack suggested when Ianto moved from his lips to trail kisses along his neck and jaw. He shivered with hope and anticipation. Ianto's breath was hot against his ear as he replied.

"Long drive back to mine," Ianto said. "Might kill the mood."

"I was thinking something closer," Jack said. "Like my room."

Ianto sat back, looking surprised, although Jack wasn't sure why, because Ianto had been down there numerous times. "Oh. Right. Your room."

"It's not much," Jack said. "Although I might be able to scrounge up a candle or two if you—"

Ianto abruptly stood up. "Ah, no. No candles." He held out his hand and Jack took it, standing with him. "I don't think that's what either of is looking for."

"Oh, I don't know," Jack replied, wrapping his hands around Ianto's waist and smiling against his lips. "It could be nice…set the mood…" Ianto raised an eyebrow, looking skeptical.

"We don't need a mood," he said. He tugged Jack toward the office. "We need privacy, and preferably a bed, and perhaps—" He stopped, turned toward Jack and smirked. "I assume you have supplies?"

Jack grinned back. "If that's where this goes, then yes. Ready and willing."

"Then what are we waiting for?" Ianto murmured. This time he motioned Jack forward first, probably because it was Jack's office and Jack's bedroom beneath. Jack held his hand, enjoying the feel of it and looking forward to more, and led him down the ladder to the room where he spent nights at the Hub.

It was small, and crowded, and dark, but it was enough for them to spend several hours exploring one another in the shadows. Ianto left afterward, declining Jack's invitation to stay and heading home in the early hours of the morning. He left with one last kiss, however, and a smile, and Jack hoped that things wouldn't be awkward when he came back in to work. It had been amazing, even if it was just one night.

Or perhaps there might be another.

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to try to get them back to the Hub somehow. Hope you enjoyed it!


	11. Chapter 11

XI.

It was the sound of birds that woke him rather than the blaring alarm clock. It was odd, waking slowly, comfortably tucked into warm blankets as the sun rose, as opposed to flailing at the snooze button in the cold dark. Which was when Ianto realized that it wasn't dark and his alarm hadn't gone off, and his fuzzy mind tried to figure out why.

He'd gone to the Ferret, had too many drinks as usual…and then Jack had showed up…god, Jack had been there, at his pub, looking for…what was it? Missing people. Only as soon as he'd mentioned it, Ianto had figured it out: Mandy was the one responsible for all those missing people. And she'd offered to do the same for him, to help him. There'd been an alien, and a portal, and Ianto had been so tempted…he could leave Earth, start over far away. Instead he'd pushed Jack through the Rift into slavery—cocky, condescending Jack, telling him he'd never escape his problems, he'd still be Ianto Jones no matter what planet he was on. That it would still hurt, he'd still be broken.

But he'd gone back…right? Yes, he'd gone back for Jack, and sent Mandy away, and destroyed the Savior and his portal. Radyr was safe again. Only he'd…Ianto rolled over onto his back and flung his arm across his face as he groaned to himself. Yes, he'd kissed Jack in the SUV after. Jack had seemed reluctant at first, but he had come back to Ianto's flat, agreeing with Ianto that it was just this once. Two broken people, seeking comfort in one another's arms, for one night only.

Turning his head, Ianto groaned again. Jack was still there, still asleep on Ianto's pillow, stubble dotting his chin and his hair askew. He looked so calm and peaceful, so different from the larger-than-life man who swaggered around in his World War II greatcoat as Captain Jack Harkness. At that moment, he was just Jack, a man Ianto'd shagged, asleep in his bed. And even first thing in the morning, Jack was gorgeous.

Ianto shot up, flipping his legs off the side of the bed and relieved to find he was at least wearing boxers. He let his elbows fall to his knees and closed his eyes. He was in bed with Jack. Jack, his boss, was in his bed. After Ianto had tried to kill him. How could he have possibly thought that sleeping with Jack was a good idea? Even drunk and traumatized? Why had he thought that shagging his boss would fix his problems, even for one night?

He was startled by a hand on his shoulder and turned to find Jack sitting up, a wary look on his face. Jack appeared as spooked as Ianto felt, which didn't make him feel much better about it. If Jack had regrets, it must have been an even bigger mistake than Ianto thought. Or maybe it had been terrible.

No, Ianto told himself, it hadn't been terrible. In fact, it had been amazing, once they'd got over the initial awkwardness, which had now returned in full force. He offered a shaky smile, which Jack returned with equal embarrassment.

"I hate this part," Jack murmured.

"The incredibly awkward morning after?" Ianto asked. "I'm surprised you stayed."

"I was tired," Jack replied with a shrug. "We were up rather late, after all."

Ianto let his eyes slip closed as he turned away. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

"No, you probably did," Jack replied, a lightness to his tone Ianto could sense was forced. "My reputation usually precedes me when it comes to these sorts of things."

"I don't mind," Ianto said after a moment. "It's fine, only now…"

"Now we're stuck in the morning after attempt to return to normal."

"That was the plan," Ianto said. "What passes for normal, anyway."

Jack sighed as he laid back down, his hand falling over his face like Ianto had done minutes earlier. He let slip a slightly bitter laugh. "I don't think there's anything normal about this…about us…Torchwood." He paused. "About life."

"I suppose not," Ianto said, turning toward him with a frown. "Are you all right?"

Jack sat up again with a fake smile. "I'm fine. I'm just…I'm sorry if this…last night…gets in the way now. I didn't want to complicate things at work."

Ianto stood and began gathering the clothing strewn around the room, trying not to think about their desperate undressing as they came together. "It might," he admitted. "I guess I didn't think it through last night. Seemed like a good idea at the time."

Jack shook his head as he began picking up his own clothes. "It was," he said. "It was a good idea, and I…god, this is horrible," he muttered, running a hand through his already mussed up hair. "I had a good time, I really did. And if we didn't work together I'd … but we do, so …" He trailed off, one of the few times Ianto had ever seen him speechless.

"I did too," Ianto replied. "And if we didn't work together…if you weren't my boss…" He trailed off as well. It seemed they had both felt a connection, but they both realized the futility of it. Which was a damn shame, because it had been amazing.

"Your boss," Jack repeated, as if only then realizing the reality of their complicated relationship. "I'm sorry, Ianto. I shouldn't have said yes, I should have—"

Ianto held up a hand and stopped him. "Please don't apologize," he said. "I…well, I brought it up, and I thought I knew what I was getting into. It was one night only. We'll get past it." _We have to,_ he thought. He couldn't work with Jack if this came between them forever. If they'd moved past homicidal cybermen in the basement and alien slavers in the cellar of a pub, they could move past one night of great sex, right?

Jack looked doubtful. "Right. Er, do you mind if I use your bathroom?" He held up his clothes. "I don't need a shower or anything, just need to wash my face and throw on some clothes …" He trailed off, looking uncomfortable yet again. It was a very strange look for Jack, who always walked around the Hub with confidence, especially when joking about sex. Ianto sighed, hating that it had come to this.

"Go ahead. I'll make some coffee." He offered a small smile. "That's normal, coffee in the morning."

"Thanks," said Jack. He opened his mouth like he was going to say something else, then turned abruptly toward the bathroom and shut the door.

Ianto sighed and pulled on some clothes of his own before heading toward the kitchen. He started the coffee and seriously considered adding a dash of something stronger to get through the next few minutes. Jack was back before he could, however, so he poured Jack a thermos to take with him. He was dressed, his hair finger combed into order, and his hand brushed Ianto's as he took the thermos with a thank you. Taking a long sip, he closed his eyes and sighed.

"Thank you," said Jack. "This is definitely more our morning normal."

"Cheers," Ianto replied, holding up his mug before taking a sip. They stood awkwardly for a moment before Jack seemed to realize he had a thermos. He raised it questioningly.

"Can I take this to the Hub?" he asked.

"Absolutely," Ianto replied. "I'll be in…er, soon."

"Take your time," said Jack. "You had a hard night."

"So did you," Ianto pointed out.

Jack sighed. "But I wasn't about to…and I didn't…Ianto, you know you can talk to me, right? When things get bad?"

"No, not really," Ianto replied honestly. "I don't know if I can. It's hard." He took a sip of his coffee and shrugged. "And not likely to get any easier now."

Jack pursed his lips in apparent consternation, then grinned. "Hey, after last night, talking should be easy. After all, I did have your –"

"Stop," Ianto said, a laugh escaping despite his mortification. He knew exactly where Jack was going with that sentence, but even after all they had seen and done in Ianto's bed, talking to Jack felt no easier. "Look, I can't promise to reach out, even now…but I …well, I won't try to kill you again. I'm sorry about what happened at the pub."

Jack nodded. "I know. It's over. What happened last night isn't going to come between us."

"Obviously," Ianto replied. "Since I did have your—"

Jack laughed. "All right, I think the uncomfortable morning after is over. Back to normal?"

"To whatever passes as normal," Ianto murmured, thinking that his normal was generally awful, and he now had the complication of having slept with his boss to deal with on top of his mother's illness and his own emotional challenges.

"I'll see you at the Hub," Jack said, turning toward the door. "We can write up the missing persons case and file everything away for good."

"Sounds like another good time," Ianto replied dryly, walking with him. "Although I do have plans to see my mum tonight. It's…well, it's important."

Jack studied his face and nodded. "That's fine. I hope everything's okay."

"Haven't been by for a long time," Ianto admitted.

"Don't let it drift," Jack told him.

"I'm…I'm going to try," Ianto said. "I'll be in soon."

Jack nodded, looked like he wanted to step forward and either kiss him or at least hug him, but turned and left instead. Ianto shut the door, letting his head fall against the wood with a quiet groan. It was over: the long night at the Ferret, the embarrassing morning after at his flat. He'd slept with Jack and it had been great, but it was pretty far up there on his list of big mistakes. Jack was his boss, the man who'd shot Ianto's lover, who flirted and came on to everyone, and who kept more secrets than MI-5. It wouldn't happen again. They'd go back to the way things were, to working side by side, chasing aliens, and saving the world. Their version of normal.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this was my version of regret. I had planned on two more chapters, but I may stop at twelve. Unfortunately that would leave the 'real' version unwritten, but I have other stories that I'd like to finish as well, so we'll see. Thank you for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

12.

Jack woke slowly, unlike most mornings when he practically shot out of bed, ready to start the day. But he'd died yesterday, and that often left him more tired than usual. He'd been up late, too, and that had definitely left him more tired than usual, as well as pleasantly sore. With a grin, Jack opened his eyes and gazed at the ceiling, thinking about everything that had happened over the last twenty-four hours.

He was in Ianto's flat, in Ianto's room, laying in Ianto's bed. Beside him, the Welshman was sprawled on his stomach, his head turned away from Jack. The covers had slipped to his waist, leaving his back and broad shoulders exposed. Jack saw the love bite he'd left on Ianto's neck, behind his ear, and was tempted to leave another. But though he now knew Ianto Jones to be far more uninhibited in bed than he was in the office, Jack wasn't sure how the other man might feel about being awakened by a tongue in his ear—or somewhere else, for that matter. They had agreed it was just this once, after all, and Jack doubted there'd be another round.

He thought about getting up, using the bathroom, and pulling on his clothes, perhaps even leaving a note and heading to the Hub. But it was still early, and he was still tired, and he was enjoying watching Ianto sleep. It was the only time he'd seen the other man so relaxed, the haunted look on his face smoothed over by the peace of sleep.

Ianto was too young to have gone through all the things he'd experienced in the last year. Jack had seen his suffering, tried to reach out, but Ianto was too much like Jack, locking away his pain and burying it deep down, then pulling on his mask and buttoning up his suit until it exploded from him, with violence or with passion. Jack had seen both the previous night, but he knew that when Ianto woke, he would go right back to the stoic butler doing his job, hiding from the world.

It wasn't right. A man as deep and passionate as Ianto Jones deserved better. Once again Ianto had proved himself capable of more than filing, more than cleaning. He'd figured out what was happening in Radyr, at the Ferret, and he had been adamant about dealing with it when he'd thrown Jack from the pub and ordered him to stay outside. Jack had to admit that it had been a remarkable turn on, but it was also obvious proof that Ianto was stronger than he let others see. He played at submissive at the Hub, but he was quite clearly capable of taking charge and displaying the strength and courage needed to get the job done.

Of course, he'd slipped at the last minute, the Savior's temptation too confusing, too beguiling. When he should have destroyed the alien and its portal, instead Ianto had snapped, sending Jack through as some sort of vengeance for his sins. And then he'd come back for Jack, which had taken incredible daring and determination. Yes, he'd condemned Jack, but he'd also walked into the Rift to save him.

It was strange, the way that made Jack feel. A little giddy, that Ianto had come back for him, even though he was furious about being sent into slavery and tortured on an alien world. Flattered, that Ianto had then come on to him in the SUV after, looking for comfort, though he was also confused that Ianto would seek it from the very man he'd just tried to kill. The man who had killed Ianto's girlfriend. Which added guilt and regret and a dozen other things to Jack's complex feelings about Ianto Jones.

Watching the younger man sleep, Jack was also filled with a sad understanding. He knew what Ianto had suffered, and he understood Ianto's need to both lash out emotionally and reach out physically. Oh yes, he definitely understood the latter, the heart's retreat into mindless sex as it attempted to feel something besides pain and darkness, to lose itself in physical comfort and pleasure. It was Jack's favorite form of denial, of relief, of release; that Ianto felt the same surprised him, but also thrilled him.

They'd come back to Ianto's flat, where Ianto had wasted no time with trivialities. There had been no awkward attempts at conversation, not even the offer of a drink. He'd thrown his keys down on the nearest table, then turned to Jack and kissed him, right in the middle of the living room.

"Are you sure?" Jack had asked as Ianto's hands started to push the greatcoat from Jack's shoulders. Ianto had stopped and met his eyes.

"Are you?" he'd returned with utmost confidence. Yes, this was clearly what Ianto wanted, and Jack wanted it as well. He'd been holding back for so long, even more so after Lisa's death, that he'd have been hard pressed to say no, even if he had made a token protest about working relationships being complicated. Of course, Ianto had pointed out that he wasn't looking for a relationship, which Jack had been all right with at the time. It had let them explore one another long into the night with no worries for the messy emotional consequences. It was one night only, no obligations. Only now Jack felt something stirring in his chest, and he realized that maybe he'd been wrong about what he wanted.

Ianto Jones had intrigued him from the start, and now that Jack had seen more than he'd ever dreamed of, both physically and emotionally, he didn't want it to end. He liked this strong, confident man, who stood up to him, who told him what to do, who saved him, who effortlessly topped and brought him to a blinding climax. At the same time, he wanted to comfort and protect the broken man sleeping beside him, the man who had seen his entire world come crashing down around him and somehow survived. Ianto Jones was in pieces, broken and begging to be made whole, and Jack wanted to put him back together. And he wanted Ianto to put him back together, every time he broken against Torchwood. He didn't want it to be one night of debauched comfort; he wanted more.

How much more, he wasn't sure. Sex, absolutely. Companionship? Sure. Closeness, vulnerability, support? Yes, Jack thought he might want all of that as well. In spite of Ianto's vast betrayal in the basement of the Hub, Jack still trusted him. He knew the Welshman was stronger than he looked, both physically and emotionally. And Ianto somehow understood things about Jack that Jack sometimes didn't understand himself. Ianto had quietly had his back since the beginning, and Jack didn't want to lose that; he wanted Ianto's loyalty, his love, his life.

No, that was too much. Jack shook his head and sat up, throwing his legs over the side of the bed. He was naked, and he was hard, and it was all he could do to hold back a groan as his thoughts went places they shouldn't go. Loyalty? Love? He wanted Ianto Jones more than anything at that moment, and yet he knew he could never have him, not really. It was too dangerous. Ianto was someone Jack could get lost in, both literally and figuratively. And Ianto, even if he felt the same way, would still leave him one day, and Jack would be alone yet again, nursing another broken heart. It was why he'd stopped dating years ago, refusing to grow close to people, because he knew he'd lose everyone he loved, and it was too hard to let himself fall when he knew how much the landing would hurt.

Glancing back at Ianto, Jack knew he had to leave; if he didn't, he'd do something stupid. He didn't regret sleeping with Ianto, but now that he had, it would be hard to think of anything else but their night together. Of staggering into Ianto's bedroom and falling into bed; of Ianto's mouth claiming him; of the feel of Ianto inside him and breathing his name with that devious accent; of a leisurely shower and Ianto coming undone at his touch; of the love bites Jack knew were peppered across Ianto's skin, the scar across Ianto's upper thigh, the freckle on his shoulder…

And more than that, the feeling of peace and completion he had both seen and felt, and the possibility of it developing into more. Yes, Ianto Jones was dangerous, and Jack needed to leave. He needed to go back to work, lose himself in files or phone calls or anything that wasn't Ianto, then go on the pull and forget he'd ever slept with the Welshman. Because it couldn't happen again. Jack would fall, and then he would break. Again.

With a hitched breath that felt more like a sob at the thought of setting it all aside, Jack stood and started to gather his clothing with a frantic need to run to the bathroom, get dressed, and leave. Even when all he wanted to do was crawl back into bed with Ianto and forget the rest of the world even existed.

He was halfway to the door when Ianto sat up and called his name. "Jack? Where're you going?"

Jack turned around and forced himself to grin, clothes held strategically in front of his groin to hide his obvious erection. "Thought I'd clean up and head to work. You can take your time."

He must have sounded nervous, because Ianto frowned. "Are you all right?" he asked.

"I'm fine," Jack replied, even though inside he was screaming at himself to turn away, because he still wanted the man on the bed in so many ways, and the more he looked, the more he wanted to give in to the temptation. "I didn't want to wake you."

"You didn't," Ianto replied. He glanced at the clock next to his bed. "It's half past six, which is when I normally get up. Why do you need to go in so early?"

Jack couldn't look at him and found a spot above the bed to focus on. "Well, given last night's adventure at the pub, I wanted to check the Rift readings, make sure everything is okay, so…yeah. I should go."

"Are you sure?" Ianto asked, standing and finding a pair of boxers before pulling on a shirt as he walked over to Jack. He appeared completely nonchalant about his state of dress, and nothing but concerned for Jack. "You seem upset."

"Just tired," Jack replied unconvincingly.

"Then you don't have to go," Ianto told him, taking another step closer. Jack stepped back.

"No, I really do," he said, his voice barely more than a whisper. "Because I don't know what I'll do if I don't leave now." He finally looked into Ianto's face, and the Welshman's eyes widened slightly.

"I see," he said, stepping back. "I'm, er…I'm sorry," he offered. "If I pressured you in any way…" He trailed off, since they both knew the thought of Jack doing something he didn't want to do was completely ridiculous.

"You didn't," Jack said with a sigh. "But I can't do this…us…" He ran a hand through his hair, completely at a loss for words. Ianto frowned at him again.

"I know," Ianto said. "You said that last night. No promises. Just this once."

"Just this once," Jack laughed bitterly, gazing up at the ceiling to avoid looking at Ianto. "I don't know why I said that, because right now I really wish I hadn't."

"Oh," Ianto said again, crossing his arms and glancing at the carpet. "I didn't realize one night would be a problem."

Ianto had it all wrong, and Jack didn't want him to think he regretted their night together, that he was running because it had been a terrible mistake. Maybe it was, but only for Jack, and only because he couldn't forget about it. He caught Ianto's eyes, smiled, and lied. "It wasn't a problem. It was amazing. Honestly. The problem is…well, me. I'm the problem."

"You're not a problem, Jack," Ianto said. "But…I'm not looking for anything more. If that helps."

"No, not exactly," Jack blew out a breath and looked away as Ianto's eyes went wide again. He understood, and Jack wished the floor would open up and swallow him. "Look," he said, hating the awkwardness, "It's fine. It was a great night, but it was one night, and that's it. I know that, and I'm fine." If he sounded like he was trying to convince himself, he was.

"Okay," said Ianto. "I'm still sorry," he said quietly. "I didn't mean for it to end like this."

"Not your fault, and not your problem," said Jack. "But I'm feeling awfully exposed here, so I can use the bathroom now?"

Ianto nodded and Jack turned away before Ianto called him.

"Jack," he started, then cleared his throat. "It was amazing for me too. I wish—" He shook his head, stopping himself. Jack's heart leapt at the thought of what Ianto had been about to say. "Thank you," Ianto finished instead. "For understanding. For forgiving me. For staying." He cleared his throat, and met Jack's eyes, and for a moment, Jack thought he saw something more there, some of the same things he was feeling. But it didn't matter. It couldn't happen, no matter what either one of them might think or feel. "Thank you."

Jack nodded, burying his sadness and pulling on the mask of confidence and charm he hated wearing at times like this. "I'll see you at work," he said, then added a wink. "I'll pick up some pastries if you'll make the coffee."

Ianto smiled in understanding. "Absolutely, sir. Back to normal. I'll be in soon."

Jack hurried to the bathroom, where he washed his face, rinsed his teeth, and pulled on his clothes. He could shower and change at the Hub; right now he needed to get away, find his bearings. He needed to put the night behind him, forget about Ianto and how much he still wanted him. It couldn't happen. It wasn't right, it wasn't healthy, and he knew that.

But he also knew that he wanted Ianto Jones like he'd wanted very few people over the years, and it would be damn hard working next to him knowing it could never happen. With a sigh, he left the flat behind him and dashed out to the SUV, refusing to give in to tears or anger. He didn't pound the steering wheel, he didn't pull away with a squeal, and he didn't drive recklessly back to the Hub.

He did, however, think about everything he wanted and everything he was giving up instead, and he hoped the Doctor would arrive soon to take him away from the constant pain and heartbreak that was his life.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another possibility, though I don't particularly believe it myself. This one is supposed to contrast the last one. I would like to write one more sometime, the real one, but I can't say when as I'm going to work on finishing some other stories first. I hope you enjoyed these twelve possibilities – thank you for reading!


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